Friday, 20 May 2016

Oh Cancer | Life Update ♡

Hey Guys,
 
I've been wanting to write a life update post for quite some time now, genuinely since January but every time I came to write it, I felt pressured and it wasn't Natural and I knew then, forcing such a personal post isn't the best thing. I still feel nervous in publishing this post but I know I'll feel more at ease once its done.



I'm sat on a bed with the laptop in front all tense and uncomfortable but I know once it's written, I'll feel a ton better. On December 11th 2015, my mum was sadly diagnosed with Bowel Cancer. 
 
She was in so much pain since July/August of the same year and practically went to the doctors every week, it was passed on as regular stomach pain, or IBS until she started loosing a heck load of weight, I think it must have been 2 stone and my mum is pretty petite, she's naturally slim and skinny so you can imagine how skinny she got whilst experiencing the pain. The doctors finally referred her for a colonoscopy, which found to be a blockage or lump, a biopsy was taken and it later came back as a tumourous cancer. Because we didn't know the full effect of the tumour, a CT scan was provided and showed a 9 inch tumour in her bowel.

Everything was pretty terrifying at this point but as a family we took everything in our stride. Come January, actually no, Christmas Eve, we went in for an appointment to discuss what would happen further, the consultant discussed that surgery to remove the tumour and the entirety of my mums bowel was the first stage and if chemotherapy was needed, my mum would receive it when she had fully recovered.

29th December, 6AM, mum and I woke up and headed into hospital for her operation, she was taken down at 2 and I was told that the rest of my family could see her around 6ish. I phoned the hospital later that night to be told the surgery started at 3 and ended at 8, it was only supposed to be a 4 hour operation. The next day, my dad and I headed in to pay a visit and speak to the surgeons, everything gone to plan apart from the fact that the tumour was larger than intended and it may have spread.

After a week long of hospital visits, my mum returned home and positively made a full recovery. Late January was our next appointment, we met with a colorectal nurse and one surgeon who said that the cancer had spread to the peritoneum, which is basically the lining of the abdomen and it was marked at stage 4, the worst stage any cancer can be at. And even with chemotherapy, it won't be able to cure the cancer, only prolong life by a certain time period.  So of course we left feeling horrible and deflated, I don't  think any amount of words will describe how I felt in that moment, being told my mother wouldn't survive cancer.

A few weeks later we met with an oncologist, whom said that during the operation one of my mums ovaries was removed along with 69 lymph nodes, which were tested for cancer and 45 I think came back as cancerous. I wish we were told that straight after the operation, not weeks later. Chemotherapy was the next step. 
 
Around early March, a CT scan was repeated just to show the doctors if the cancer had spread any further and what kind of treatment would be the most effective. The doctors were expecting to see many cancer cells especially around the peritoneum. Miraculously, the scan showed no evident cancer cells, however the doctor said that although there is nothing on the scan there is likely to be microscopic cells. She then gave my mum the option of preventive chemotherapy or waiting until a few months when the scan would have been repeated and see what that showed and take action from there. Chemotherapy has pretty severe side effects and my mum was already so slim she decided to recover a few more weeks and even the oncologist suggested waiting until something showed up. Nevertheless, she said my mum can take a good few weeks to decide. The scan was supposed to be repeated in June. 
 
Sadly, within a month my mum had started to get horrendous pain again, I think this was in April, so we headed back to see her surgeon who suggested it was probably caused by a build up of fluid in the abdomen, likely to be caused by active cancer cells. Her tummy was huge, literally  like a pregnant lady's. She went in for a ultrasound to clarify that it was a build up of fluid, it was, and the following week it was drained. 2 Litres managed to come out, and that was sent for testing.

Early May, my mum had another CT scan, at this point we knew the cancer was the concern and I guess the doctors just wanted to know what their dealing with. My mum went to the wrong hospital lol, I know it's not funny but we all laughed at it at home, I had an exam so I couldn't go but normally it's always at Northwick Park Hospital so assumed it was there, well it wasn't haha. But whilst she was there, she went to see a stoma nurse because she now has a ileostomy bag which is basically bag that collects waste from the bowel because it can't work like it used too, and the oncologist also paid a visit and said that the fluid was caused by cancer.

And a little update, I wrote this post on 12th May, as I edit and it, I'm in A&E for a second day in a row. Long story short, I called an ambulance for my mum yesterday, her and my dad waited in A&E from 1 till around 8 at night, then I came up. She was admitted into a ward at 12, I got home at 1. I came into hospital today because my mum was being discharged, got here at 11, discharged at 3, and surprise I'm back. My mum was vomiting pretty heavily, so I called the ward and was told to come back to A&E, because the severity of mums case, they quickly took her in and now we're just waiting for medicine to be given and for her to stay overnight again. And back to the post! 
 
Another CT scan has been scheduled along with an appointment about the results. It's likely to be that chemotherapy is needed, it's just the side effects we as a family fear, it's going to make her loose more weight, her hair and a whole list of other problems. Aaaand I was in A&E AGAIN yesterday from like 1 till 12 at night, and mums back in the hospital :(

Aaaahahhh, that took me ages but it's all out. So that's what's been going on guys and I've put it all pretty bluntly there and given the details but I haven't told you about the emotional side because it is all raw and it's pretty heartbreaking. It's emotionally draining, there's always a huge weight on your shoulders, your mind is running rollercoasters and so much more.

I go to every appointment with my mum, so it's really hard being on the frontline and hearing it all straight from the doctors but it's also hard to relay all the information to other family members. I think I mentioned in a few comments and favourites posts that I've been going through a tough time and that's it. I wasn't ready to speak about it fully or give my feelings any context. 
 
Yes I still continued to publish a post every Tuesday and Thursday. Yes I also continued  to Instagram and snap chat, I did it all because you know what, it was the only form of normality in my life. These things that were so foreign a handful of months ago suddenly became the norm and something I enjoyed doing, and it was my form of escapism. 
 
And that really is all I have for this post, it was a really tough write as you all can imagine, it was simply written with my heart not my mind.

Tip ♡
  
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34 comments

  1. Oh Tip, I am so sorry to read this. Your mum is very lucky to have you and the rest of your family by her side while going through that hard time.
    Sometimes keeping up normality is all we can do to go on with our lives in such trying times. Please know that you have my love and support! Cherish the time you have with your mother and your family, and cherish the blog that provides an escape.

    Lots of love,
    Anne

    Linda, Libra, Loca: Beauty, Baby and Backpacking

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    1. Thank you for your kind words Anne, they honestly put a massive smile on my face ♥

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  2. Trishna, I'm so sorry to read this and I thank you for sharing this with all of us because you can rest assure that I will be keeping your mom, you and your family in my prayers. I can't imagine what you're going through and how you're feeling. I commend you for being so strong. Sending you lots of love, prayers and hugs.

    XO,

    Jalisa
    www.thestylecontour.com

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    1. Thanks Jalise, your positivity is what I try to encapsulate, honestly I love how happy and content you are ♥

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  3. Aw Trishna, I'm so sorry to hear about this. :( But I appreciate that you've decided to share this with us, it couldn't have been easy. I agree with Anne, your Mum is lucky to have you there by her side, I'm sure it means the world to her. <3 I honestly hope things get better soon... And I think that blogging isn't a bad idea at all, like you said, it provides a form of escapism which I think is something we all need when things get tough - just to help us keep our mind off things, at least a little. Sending lots of love your way hun, keeping you and your family in my thoughts. <3

    Kay
    http://www.shoesandglitter.com/

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    1. It really does, I think its all about finding the perfect balance in times like these. Thanks Kay ♥

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  4. Trishna, I'm so sorry to hear about this. It must be tough for you, your mum and your family to have to go through this, but they're all lucky to have you with your huge heart and love to get through this period. I wish you all the best, Trishna, and send my love to your momma; she sounds like an amazing, amazing woman. x

    MAY | WWW.THEMAYDEN.COM

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    1. It sure has been but we've tried to take everything in our stride. Thank you so much May ♥

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  5. Oh Trishna, I'm so so so sorry to hear this. I can only imagine what you're going through. I experienced something fairly similar with my dear Grandfather last year but unfortunately everything with him happened really quickly :'( Your mum is so lucky to have you. I think those are the times we need family and loved ones the most. Stay strong hon <3 And always remember that we're here to support you, no matter what <3
    Emma xxx

    www.wellemma.com

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    1. That's so upsetting to hear, these situations are the worst and really do make you appreciate the time anyone has left! Thank you so much ♥

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  6. Oh my what an awful time you must be having. Stay strong and I hope everything works out for the best x
    Morgan| www.justmorgs.com

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  7. This post really hit me personally, since my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, and it was hard to write about in a post. She is a survivor now, and I am thankful, but it is still difficult as there are many side effects with medications for her, as I'm sure you are finding out. I am very sorry to hear about your mum, and I am sending prayers and hugs to you and your family during this time. Hang in there lovely. xx/Madison
    Style Favourites

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    1. That is so sad and upsetting to read, I pray she continues with great health! There really are, there is always so much to take int. Thank you ♥

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  8. Trishna I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. This must have been a very difficult blog post to write, especially one so personal and painful. I will be praying for her and your family, she's lucky to have you all by her side - Caroline xx

    www.iridescentplaces.com

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    1. It really was but I feel so much better now. Thanks Caroline ♥

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  9. I saw this and immediately my face turned serious and I sat down to read this slowly and carefully. I am not going to lie but unknowingly, I shed a few tears, I know you said you can’t even talk about the emotional side (I can’t blame you, if that was me I would burst out crying within a second) - I do hope though that this post allowed you to get a bit of all of it out and take a little sigh. I know in situations like this no one can really say anything that can make something like this better. I know you all are taking care of your mum and I hope, I just really hope, that you all are taking care of yourselves too. At times like this I think she needs you to be there for her and she also needs you to be as normal and happy as you can be to give her more strength. I completely get what you mean about blogging being your source of normality but also remember that if for some reason at some point you need to just skip a post and take some time for yourself, you’re the most important. I am sending lots of love and prayers your way, I hope your mum can get home soon and things can be figured out.

    Lots of love,
    Raashi

    reflectionswithraa.blogspot.com.au

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    1. Raashi, you really are the sweetest. I don't think I can thank you enough for your comment, I got all choked up ♥

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  10. I am so sorry to hear that... I am sure you've caught all of it pretty early on and your mom will fully recover :) I know it's hard watching her go through it, trust me, I know quite a lot about that, but just be there for her and she will really appreciate it :) I hope it will all work out for you guys :) Continuing to write is totally fine... I know it's important to have a constant in your life when you're going through something like that.. Just do whatever you have to do :) xx

    BeautyPepTalk
    Make sure you enter my huge celebration giveaway :)

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    1. Hopefully we have, thank you for your kind words Kelly ♥

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  11. Oh Trishna, I am so so sorry to read this and I can't imagine the pain and distress that you and your family is going through now. Your mum is so lucky to have a loving family like you guys, stay strong and I pray for the best for you and family. Sometimes trying to keep doing something that is normal to you is a way to stay sane and strong. Hugs my friend. xx

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

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    1. Its hard but we're trying our best! Thank you so much Shireen ♥

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  12. Trishna! I am so sorry to hear about your mom, and I can definitely relate to your story because my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 5 years ago, and he passed away 3 years ago so I definitely understand. She is in my thoughts and prayers, and you can always talk to me since you are not alone in this. We are all in this together. Our little blogging community loves and supports you!

    Hannah
    Floraful

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    1. That's so upsetting, it must have been a horrid time. Its so sad that these things have to happen, thank you ♥

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  13. Oh, Trishna, I'm so deeply sorry to hear all of this. Your mother is very lucky to have incredible people who support her and are by her side. I am sending all my love towards your family and I really hope that miracle will happen. And I do agree that sometimes doing 'normal' things while in these kind of situations is the only thing keeping the person from going insane. Don't loose faith and stay strong. x

    -Leta | The Nerdy Me

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  14. Oh no Trishna, I am so sorry to hear all these. I can only imagine how hard it must be for your mum, your family and you! You should try to stay strong for your mum, I know it is hard but I am sure this is what your mum wants to see. I send you lots of love and my prayers for your mum! Stay strong x

    Ela BellaWorld

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  15. Oh my gosh, I'm so, so sad to hear this news, I'm truly in awe of your bravery as I can only imagine how you must be feeling. You sound like a wonderfully close and supportive family, something that I'm sure goes a long way in such a tragedy. I will absolutely keep your mum in my prayers from now on... sending lots and lots of love your way xxx

    Gabrielle | A Glass Of Ice x

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    1. Aww thank you so much for your comment Gabrielle ♥

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  16. So sorry to hear this. I can only imagine as I love my mother so very much! You sound like such a strong person and I am glad your mother has someone like you beside her! I am sending all my prayers to you and your mother(even though I just got across your blog) I have experienced a similar case with my grandmother.

    Dora www.BangsBang.com

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  17. i'm so so sorry to hear this Trishna. your mum is lucky to have you and your family by her side! sending my love xx

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